i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
smell my finger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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