so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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