its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
