my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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