One girl and one boy is just not enough.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
