He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
