i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Couch. On fire.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
