dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
