At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
