i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
