; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
