she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
