On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
