So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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