mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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