my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
