Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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