I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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