I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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