Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
