4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
