Your dad touched me again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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