HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
