Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
