Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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