i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
