I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
only you would photoshop your dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
