We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
