so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
well you can't waste a boner
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
