He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
