he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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