I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
the raccoons are back...
Randomize