Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
handjob tips. give me some.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
