I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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