life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
