oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
