just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
