I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
