i was born a porn star she said
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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