Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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