are you still at the devil's house?
You can't special order awesome
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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