Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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