You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
