Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
