and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have post one night stand depression
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
