i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
