This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
