i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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