I'm jealous of your bromance
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
