yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
