is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
