Whod you bang
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
