I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
