You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
