I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
