Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize