Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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