bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
