The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
