ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it was like eating out sand paper
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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