just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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