My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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