My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
