my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize