Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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