im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
