I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
