is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
