Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
