Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
