You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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