We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
