dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
