I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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