She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
