I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
