He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
