i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
