Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
