thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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