I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I deserve this hangover.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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