This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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