i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
