My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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