Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize