didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
