I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
