new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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