dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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