Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
