consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
