I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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