went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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