last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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