Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
