he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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