'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
